Willfullness or Lack Thereof

As I glance at my last post which was two months ago I can’t believe I’ve been away from my blog for this long. Typical of just about anything I’ve stepped away from for more than a couple days, I’m finding it difficult to get started writing again. It’s not so much that I have nothing to say as it is that I’ve lapsed from the routine of doing so and I don’t feel nearly as sharp, witty, or filled with pithy anecdotes and observations as I did when I started this back in March. Be that as it may, I will endeavor to pick up where I left off or perhaps just start over all together. Whatever the case may be, this morning I felt compelled to get back to it, so here I am.

Today marks the end of my son’s first week back in preschool post-summer vacation which is likely the main reason I have the time, in addition to the inclination, to sit down at the keyboard and type away as I did back in the Spring during his first session of preschool chronicled in this very blog. He’s had a stellar first week of school. The pre-preschool of sorts back in March has paid off and then some. This school year is off to a great start with no more tears at drop-off and dare I say a certain excitement at the prospect of his morning at school with Mrs. B and his preschool friends. I am thrilled. He’s really taken to the routine this go round and seems to be far more engaged in the whole preschool experience. I for one am basking in the 2 1/2 hours all to myself for 4 out of 5 mornings a week. By those last few weeks of summer I was more than ready for the school year to resume whether my little guy was or not. Although I am amazed at how quickly those couple of hours fly by prior to pick-up. When this all started last Spring those hours seemed more like a mini-day of sorts. Now I blink and it’s time to pick up my little Boo. Needless to say the transition this go round has been so much smoother for both mother and son. Now we’re the “old pros” at this whole preschool thing rather than the wide-eyed newbies. It’s a good thing.

I found it a bit amusing this morning that while the title of my post came ever so quickly, the content itself is a little sketchy and hard to write now that I’ve been away from it for the past couple of months. Clearly I’m out of practice and lost more than a bit of my writing mojo over the summer. I must admit I’m not so amused by the fact that this doesn’t seem to be an isolated incident in my experience. In other words, my willfullness (or stick-to-it-iveness per se) or more to the point, my lack thereof, isn’t limited to this blog. I am loathe to say that it is a recurring theme in my life. I am driven, focused, and invested in a project, activity, what have you at the very beginning but as time, distractions, and dwindling interest pop into the equation I am notorious for slowly losing steam until yet again I’m back at square one thinking to myself, how can it be 2 months since I sat down and wrote at the computer? I really enjoy it more than anything I’ve done in quite some time. Why wouldn’t I make it a priority every day?

Obviously I shouldn’t dwell on the fact that I haven’t written in two months and that I am back to doing so now. Nevertheless, given that this isn’t an isolated incident I’m inclined to call it what it is – a general lack of willfullness. Blech. I even hate how it sounds. Dawn has potential but she lacks the will to carry it out. Oy. Who wants that as their legacy? I sure don’t but I seem to lack the will to do anything about it! Ha! Not to mention I have clear and succinct recognition of this fact which means I have no excuse for not doing something about it – other than pure laziness that is.

So rather than sit here and ruminate over lost opportunities, lack of will, and the like I’d best get to the business of following through on some of the things I’ve let go by the wayside recently. Writing is one obviously. Church is another. My son and I had a long summer vacation from that I’m not proud to write. And last, but not least, making not only the time but the conscious and deliberate effort to prioritize what is most important in my life and get about doing it faithfully with joy and conviction. I think I need a nap. Heh heh.

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